Broken Bones

Our pastor is doing a great sermon series on the gospel. http://www.compassregina.com/sermons

This week's was on the cultivating gospel centered relationships. It sounded great, started off great, and as it pertained to marriage in great part, I thought Eldon (my hubby) would really be able to get something out of it. The Lord has worked in my life alot on marriage over the years, breaking me and working out in me the kind of wife he wanted me to be. So naturally I thought that he was probably done and this one would be for the hubby. But as my pastor began to talk about sin he told this little story about a bad smell he and his wife had in their first home. They did everything possible to mask it, then tried to change alot of things like flooring and such, but still the smell persisted. Well to make a long story short they found a dead cat in some of the ducting. Now where he was going with this entertaining little story was that if there is sin in your life that no one is confronting, you might go around changing everything but the problem. You may even customize your lives around the problem, never actually dealing with it. With this illustration I was hit hard with the realization that this was me. I have always thought of myself as a "nice" person. People all my life has said as much. So when you wander around your whole life looking at yourself through those glasses, it can be very hard to see yourself as anything but. Sure, the Lord has pointed out SO much sin in my life, has been moulding me and changing me, but there has been a doozy in my life that I have been ignoring and we have all been pussy-footing around. I have a very quick temper and it will rear its ugly head quickly with much heat, and then it subsides and I am a "nice" person again. My poor unsuspecting children never really know when to expect it. Now the Lord has a way of bringing things into my life to magnify the problem, to really make it obvious to me. This current magnifying glass came in the form of our soon-to-be 9 yr old son Nathanael. I love him very much, he is a sweet, good natured, kindhearted kid. But he also tries my patients, and at times really brings out the worst in me. The last several months my patients has worn very thin and quite frankly at times I am jerk! Of course we have found many ways to excuse this awful behavior like,"I'm adjusting to this new change in our family" or "I have so much on my plate" or "Nathanael's disabilities are trying" etc. etc.... but there is never any excuse for sin. My job is to faithfully (and yes, joyfully!) serve my family, day in and day out. This might seem like a hopeless assignment without the promise of scripture, that He will never leave us or forsake us, that He is our refuge and strength. Not only that but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, faithful, gentleness and self control. WOW! These are all things I currently need in my life, especially if we (me and my good God) are going to overcome this "smell" that my family is trying to function around. I have been working hard all week on this, spending time on my knees and in the Word and begging the Lord to change me. And do you know what? The Lord is faithful! He is changing me, though I must say that earlier this week I said to my hubby,"This thing of not getting angry at the kids is REALLY hard work!" As I was reading the Word this week I found myself reading one of my favorite passages....

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercies; blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

I have always been so excited when the Lord is pointing out sin in my life and changing me and when I read this I had to smile. "Let the bones that you have broken rejoice!" Though it is hard Lord, let there be many more!

Holding Hands

" The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand" Psalm 37:23-24

This is such good news to my tired, impatient and at times irritable self. Though I may fall I will not be cast headlong, for the Lord holds my hand. Wow...good news indeed! We have had such a warm winter here in Saskatchewan (those are words you don't hear every day!). Consequently we have alot of ice from all the snow melting. The other day my 4yr old and I went for a walk, and because I was fairly certain he would slip and fall, I held very tightly to his sweet little mittened hand. Sure enough, he slipped, and slipped and slipped again. And yet he never fell hard, never did he even hit the ground but felt my firm and sure grip pulling him up again and again. I had a bad day yesterday, no particular reason, but the cure to my problem was time spent with the Lord. Did I run after the cure? No, of course not, cause I am a slow learner. I ran after everything but where my strength is found. So bound and determined to do things right today, I found a quiet spot and prayed (usually consisting of begging the Lord for strength and help!) and then opened the Word and found this gem of a verse. THE LORD UPHOLDS MY HAND!!! Good news. I may slip, and slip, and slip some more like my sweet little boy, but He who upholds my hand will not let me be cast headlong. God is good, and faithful too! My day has been better for no other reason than I ran to the cure.

Here Goes Nothin'

I love blogs. They have been an incredible encouragement to me. Why? Because I am crazy enough to home school, foster, adopt and do the self-sufficient farm thing to boot. Throw in a little cancer and a house full of craziness and mess and you could suddenly use a little encouragement. I tend to use my facebook statuses as mini blog posts, so, well, why not give to world my two bits, and maybe, just maybe be a small encouragement to someone along the way too.

I am a mother of 4, soon to be anywhere to between 8-10. We are in the process of adopting a sweet young man (age 9). After seeing the amazing change in this young mans life as well as the change in our own family, we feel compelled to foster as well. As we never do anything on a small scale, we are planning to do it full time as a family. We live on an acreage way out in the middle of no-where Saskatchewan (my little piece of paradise), and have this dream of making a therapeutic farm for foster kids. Its a dream yes, though not without a little reality thrown in. I know it will be hard, at times more than I can bear, but it will be right. I have often heard that the Lord only gives us what we can bear or handle. What a bunch of bunk! If that were true, He has made quite a few mistakes over the past few years. My great and good God is very much in the habit of giving me far more than I can bear. Why? So that I can find my strength in Him. So that the world can see that the only way I can do anything is through Him. Oh, and He has a very good sense of humor as well. Comments like "I will NEVER home school my kids" or "The Lord would never allow me to have cancer, cause He knows I couldn't handle it" or "My child NEVER screams, that kid just needs some good discipline" or " ADHD is soooo over diagnosed, why can't those teachers just do a better job keeping their attention", are fightin' words! The Lord has seen fit to allow me to have cancer, a screamer, home school and now an ADHD (FASD) child. Why? Well, first off, because you really should just not say stupid things, you are just asking for it. And secondly because He knows that in my weakness I lean on Him. It is always in the hard that I run to Him. Most of the time I am stupid enough to run around acting like I can do most everything in my own strength, until of course I crash and look back and see that what I have accomplished has no spiritual value, let alone any earthly value. Whether my house is clean, business is running smoothly, cow is milked, supper is magnificent.... these things matter not. Have my kids been loved and listened to? Have I taught them about out great King in word or deed? Have I faithfully served them and my dear husband? These are the important things. What kingdom am I serving? Myself or my King's? So yes, this new endeavor of ours might be crazy, but it is service to our King, and He has promised to strengthen us and to uphold us.